the best day of my life?

Okay. So maybe it wasn't the best day of my life but I think it was the best day this past decade. And that even includes my wedding day. Not because my wedding day wasn't incredible, because it was, but because yesterday, for the first time in what seems like FOREVER, I left myself alone. And I left my husband alone. I wasn't a bitch, I didn't shame spiral about anything AND I didn't feel sick. Is this what normal people feel like all the time? It was fucking liberating.

I was generally clear and gentle to myself and to my husband. I didn't have to reprimand myself or apologize to him. I did some writing, some work, some exercise and had two gluten free beers while binge watching a ridiculous show. Towards the end of the day I got a little nervous - you know, not wanting to jinx anything - but it worked out okay.

You know that Van Morrison song, "My Mama Told me there'd be Days like this?" All my life I thought he meant, there will be shitty days. "Oh here's one of those days again." It was only a few years ago that I listened to it again and realized that he meant that this is a Good Day. Well yesterday was one of those days. And I went to Bali and New Zealand last year. It's a pretty tough competition to win the Best Day Award, but a lonely Thursday during week bajillion of the Lockdown wins. Hands down. Ass up.

Of course soon I will have a shitty day and that will be okay too. But to feel OKAY, just plain OKAY for a full day, well that was revelatory. And of course I immediately grasp and want more. More days of being nice please! More days of gentleness please! More days of feeling well in my brain and in my bod please! So I tread carefully into this next day, trying not to compare it to yesterday, trying just to live it. But it's hard when I want things to be a certain way. Today's practice will be to just see how this one unfolds. But an intention to not be bitchy might help too.