suffer well?

Who do I think I am?

(This question always makes me think of Brian Johnson, the ‘brain’ from The Breakfast Club. When told to write an essay about whatever it is he did wrong to end up in detention on a Saturday, while brainstorming, Brian mumbled, "I am...a...walrus. I'm a walrus," while fiddling with a pen top in his mouth. Which made him look like a walrus. Well, it's hilarious to me.)

But I digress.

Today I have been thinking about suffering and my inner voice, indignant, hands on hips, keeps asking me who do I think I am? Particularly who do I think I am that suffering is solely for me? I know that all people suffer. This is the First Noble Truth in Buddhism. The Truth of Suffering. We all got it. (Suckah!) But there is a little self in this mind/body complex that truly feels like no one knows my particular brand of suffering [back of hand on forehead, lying on a fainting couch, looking out over the dreary moors as rain pelts the window]. I am special, you see? Ugh. AS IF. So limiting and narrow to take my suffering so personally. As Michael Stipe sings, Everybody Hurts.

One of my favourite sayings, which I first heard from Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, but which is probably thousands of years old is “No mud, no lotus.” (A great tattoo idea!). It’s the whole, no light without dark, no joy without sadness, yin yang of life reality. And that the lotus, an exquisite flower – one that also symbolizes awakening in Buddhism – can only grow from muddy sludge. Basically we, like the lotus, have to go through shit to grow. He also talked about learning to ‘suffer well.’ The way to do this is to bring another energy to the suffering, some tenderness. There is no denial of the suffering. It’s there. But you can bring another quality to it, one based in caring. You care for your suffering (or any emotion) as a mother cares for a toddler having Big Feelings. You hold the child and emotions in a bigger embrace. You hold it all. Because you can. You can tolerate the discomfort because you know that this too, will pass. And then it will arise again, and dissolve. Again and again and again, world without end amen.