It's not okay

Is it okay to write a blog while the Ukraine is burning? Is it okay to continue with your own life amidst the chaos, injustice and destruction? I'm not sure. It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I should mourn and rail and cry and scream and shout. No twisting though. It feels disrespectful to do anything but sit and pray without ceasing. It's not okay that Ukraine is fighting for her life. And that her citizens are fighting for theirs.

It would be nice if I could write something meaningful about suffering and the intricacies and paradoxes of life but I can't be eloquent when there is so much suffering. Actually, that's an excuse. I can't be eloquent because I cannot wrap my mind around the paradox of life so how could I possible clarify it in feeble words?

I know that all humans suffer. The Noble Truths and all that. But some suffer WAY more and often for irrational reasons and through no fault of their own. It could just as easily be me learning how to fire a freaking gun to defend my home. Or be on a bridge by myself waiting for the Russians to come. Or saying goodbye to my husband because he can't escape with me because of martial law.

The randomness of life is unfathomable.

Can I be both sad and enraged and go about my daily life? It doesn't seem helpful to brood and contribute to the world with only the energy of my anger and fear. I mean, I am angry and scared but can I feel anger and fear and still walk my dogs in the woods and enjoy the fresh air? Am I allowed to be okay? Can I smile in the face of such atrocities? I cannot not mention Viktor Frankl here obviously. Choosing your response amidst unbelievable pain and injustice. We still have that freedom. Seems like a betrayal to those who are in the shit. But I would never disagree with Frankl.

Much of life is a paradox. Holding the tension of things that seem opposite, contrary and impossible. I have no answers. Only prayers.

May we develop the bravery to commit to wakefulness, to bear witness to anguish and to enjoy our lives.