Flutter or Fifty?

So the last post was a rant about It All.

What I left out is how asshole-ish I feel when I order my online groceries that come wrapped in all of the plastic in the world. That I don't frequent the organic shop often because it is a 30 minute drive from home. How shitty I feel when I throw out the lettuce that went bad because I didn't feel like eating fucking salad for three lunches in a row. And how awful it makes me feel to be so spoiled that I can choose not to eat salad for three lunches in a row. How I barely watch the news and only skim headlines because it's all So Fucking Stupid. And that this very act of putting my head in the sand doesn't help anyone.

I was also pondering, more specifically, how can meditating - me, sitting and feeling my breath - actually do anything to help all of this chaos.

Then I read this a day later from Catherine MacCoun:

An alchemical intervention isn't random, it's strategic. Even a slight flutter of consciousness is disruptive to an unconscious system.

Even a slight flutter of consciousness is disruptive to an unconscious system.

So maybe meditating can actually help all of this disorder and discord.

A little fluttering to combat the ills of the world. Fluttering my soul eyelashes at the chaos of it all.

And now I am sitting in a cafe and a dude is selling tchotchkes to make a living. I don't need one, I don't want one. I want to help him but I have no small change, nothing under a $50 bill. And I don't want to give him the $50 bill. This also makes me feel like an asshole. Keeping my $50 because I 'need it.' Do I? Do I really? Sure, work has dried up, but I'm not forced to sell tchotchkes to survive. I let lettuce rot in my fridge. Dude probably would much prefer a $50 bill to me trying to flutter the unconscious system.

Maybe sometimes a flutter of consciousness is helpful.

Maybe sometimes giving your $50 bill away is more helpful.