danger zone

I think it creeps up slowly without my noticing though probably it has been stalking me for some time. Then, Whammo! All of a sudden, I think I Have It All Figured Out.

Someone annoying me?

Ah. No worries. I am grateful to them for showing me what I still need to learn.

I bow to you.

Life not going the way I want it to?

Ah. No worries. This too is the path.

I bow to you.

Work drying up, savings bleeding out?

Ah. No worries. Something will happen sometime.

I bow to you.

Health still wobbly?

Ah. No worries. In time I will be strong like bull.

I bow to you.

Kinda makes you want to puke up in your mouth a little bit, right? Yeah, me too. It's all a little pollyanna-ish. The truth of the matter is that all of the above happens in a split second. In my experience, this is not sustainable for any amount of real time. A nano second of bliss. Then a crashing down to earthly reality. I say a stupid comment to my brother-in-law because a beer and a half makes me think I'm hilarious and can joke at another's expense. I snap at my husband because of something that surely doesn't deserve a snapping at. I binge HGTV and skip my yoga for no good reason. I miss the beauty around me because I'm thinking about how smart I am for Figuring Things Out. I waste all of my exquisite time in my own tiny mind.

The truth is that most days I'm less of a namaste person and more of the namastayinbed persuasion. It takes a LOT of deliberate work in my brain, body and emotions to be a decent human being. Bowing to the light in you is hard to do when I cannot find the mojo to bow to the light within me. Or when I think, egregiously erroneous, that I am the Light. Aw. Look how cute: a human caught in Ego's embrace. (Although, there is perhaps an argument here for each of us humans containing a small piece of that light...but that is very different from thinking you are the only Light).

One thing of which I am very certain (still an expert!), is that when I think I Have It All Figured Out, I have flown right into spiritual no man's land. When I'm as sure of myself in life as Maverick is in the cockpit (tee hee), on the Kenny Loggins highway to the Danger Zone, the jig is definitely up. When I think there is nothing more to learn is exactly when I have to go right back to the cosmic drawing board.

I am learning. Still and always. Remembering that I am still learning is the challenge. Recognizing when I'm caught in expert's mind rather than beginner's mind is key.

But maybe it's okay to enjoy the expert ride...just for a moment. When so much other time is spent sputtering, flailing, and nose-diving, why not? The snap back to reality (ope there goes gravity) happens in mach time anyway.*

*The Top Gun analogy attempts are a little forced wouldn't you say? Can't fight(er-jet) my way out of them.